Naked Deeper

I am free when I am alone. I feel so free, that I strongly believe I belong to this World. To this Pure World. When I am with people, constantly, from moment to moment, from day to day... when there is people around me all the time at the same space then something happens. I lose this connection to my freedom. I lose myself. I am distracted from the connection to My Pure World. This happens because when I am surrounded by people I keep thinking if what I do would be accepted. ”May I do it? Is it ok if I do it? Am I allowed to do it? Would it be accepted if I do it?” ”Am I accepted if I would do it?” I am ready to share my world with you. I am not shy to be myself when you watch me. Next time I will also do it watching straight into your eyes enjoying of this connection with you. I will show you what I have grown inside me. And you will enjoy of this harmony. I will not hide from you my World. I will be myself every moment. I will be open for you with all my depth ...

Nature, silence, art and carrying people have made a perfect base for my deeper fears to appear in the middle of my Paradise. It was just like a storm during a beautiful day. It actually was a storm between an absolutely beautiful days of sunny and hot summer. I ate and felt sick from trying to punish myself as I used to do during all my life. What a hell am I doing to myself right now, when I have learnt how to control myself and situation? I felt like throwing up. Too much food and stomach pain. I was dropped into my memories. I experienced those emotions again and again, when my expectations was broken in one seconds by my the only love of my life - my father! I wasn´t good enough whatever I did: My first poems was too funny. My dance was not the thing I had to do, because I should be a musician. I wasn´t musician good enough. Whatever. I was dropped into those memories just after I have almost done with building New Me. Adult Woman with strong character. Not stro...