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Under pressure

It is process. It will never be done. It is about balance, harmony and present moment.

Life.

I am under pressure again. I can feel with all my muscles this bothering feeling, when my mind is occuped with worrying thoughts. I am under self-pressure. I am under pressure of myself.

Anything would help me right now but not staying in this silence with myself. I can not take it - to stay with myself and these thoughts in this silence. It would take so much strenght from me to confront my fears and myself. I would rather run away as I normally do.

I would shut up myself with music, with movies. I would get myself lost in the streets or coffee places. I would stay in the kitchen putting constantly food into my mouth or drink beer. Anything, what would distract me from myself.

That is why day by day waking up surrounded by trees, singing birds and lake in this endless silence starts to feel too much for me. That is why I am filling myself with food, becouse there is nothing else availible for me. This is just perfectly distractive and familiar way to me for running away from myself.

But I have a choice.

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